Lost
It’s a Thursday evening when I’m not sleepy at all and I have a lot of thoughts in my mind. Tomorrow will be a day when I have to get up early in the morning and catch the bus. Again, I will wake up to a race where I won’t be able to reflect my potential, where I will run on the same track even though everyone has different, unique talents.
I feel like if I don’t sleep, the clock will be stuck at 00:09 as I am writing right now and I will manage to escape from the things that force me into molds. But it is not possible for me to do this without reaching the time machine.
With the search for other worlds in my mind for a long time, I listened to a different story today. In this brave adventure, I listened to someone who had experienced various problems but persevered and somehow managed to overcome them. He deserves a lot of appreciation, and he gives the right to live, breathe, and wake up to a new day. Afterward, I looked back at myself, I was so disappointed :) I don’t want to take this as a comparison, it was just an opportunity to hold a mirror to myself. The thing is, I missed life for a long time as if I had never lived. I feel like I don’t have a strong purpose.
I want to give the right to exist in this world among so many possibilities. I want to get rid of this system that turns us into one type and robotizes us. Do I have a draft or a solid plan, or an idea? No, I don’t.
I feel as if my efforts, in which I have been working hard, taking steps almost every day, and running to interviews, have been in vain. My career change adventure seems to have been interrupted. It didn’t go at all as I planned.
“Man Plans God Laughs”
Maybe because of burnout, boredom, or whatever you call it, I have been in a disorganized, harmful, and unproductive life cycle for a while. I have started to tidy myself up and see what I can do. I have to wake up from this deep sleep, I have to move on. It’s always a struggle. I know there are roads to go, and I hope to be able to tell those stories one day 🛣
